Do You Wear Perfume for Yourself — or Others?

I have a feeling that the answers perfumistas give me are going to differ from your average perfume-wearer, and will probably fall somewhere between the self/other extreme I've offered up here. I was inspired to ask the question because I realized that my perfume-wearing habits have changed since I began to collect and think about perfume as a connoisseur a few years ago.

First of all, I don't often wear perfume. Strange to say it, but it's become an almost private experience for me. Before I began collecting vintage perfume, my perfume tastes were pretty conventional. I wore Gucci Rush, Angel, Poison, Black Orchid, Bulgari Au Parfumée Au Thé Vert and the odd and little talked about Bulagari Au Parfumée Au Thé Rouge.

I chose a new perfume every few years or so. (Really hard to imagine now, when a day hardly goes by when I don't get something aromatic in the mail.) And like most people, perfumista or not, I wore perfume so that I would smell good to others. Of course I enjoyed them immensely, too...

But now, I wear perfume to experience it, to attempt to figure out what I think about it, to express what it makes me feel. Perfume as solipsism, in a way.

And because I don't have to love a scent to wear it, admire it, take it seriously, and give it consideration, this means that I may sit for a while redolent of a scent I wouldn't be caught dead wearing in public, mostly because it's not my style, but sometimes, because it would annoy the people around me.

Usually, I'll put something on and sit with it for a long time. That could be hours, as I experience it develop and dry down, making its journey from top notes to base notes and every snaking, nonlinear, shape-shifting form in between. Sometimes, I put it away and it might take days — or years —  to figure out what I think/feel about it.

This kind of perfume navel-gazing looks odd in public, too, which certainly hasn't stopped me from doing it. I prefer, however, to loll about like an addict in an opium den, supine on my couch or bed, inhaling, huffing, holding in the scent the way your average stoner holds in smoke, staring up at the ceiling in a reverie.

Perfume's a wonderful, legal intoxicant.

Should I have these two levels of perfume-wearing, though, one public, one private? Is it outdated to wear only perfumes that you think will please others? Should I start wearing more of the stinkier, easily misunderstood fragrances that smell like armpits, oft-worn undergarments and rutting animals, taking the risk more often that someone will tell me that I smell like a hamster cage or an old lady? (Both things I've heard.)

We're past that in fashion. Take the fashion blog The Man Repeller. Its writer takes seriously the idea that some women dress for themselves and other women — and not necessarily to reel in the dudes. (In fact, as her name humorously proclaims, she's into fashion that is proudly dude-unfriendly.) A lot of us who love perfume are already kind of doing that, wearing perfume like Muscs Kublai Khan, ouds, or "old lady" vintage perfumes nonconnoisseurs may not appreciate. (And please, dudes who are reading this, pardon the female-centricity of the question. This applies to you, too!)

I'm sure you all have a lot to say. I want to hear it! (Please note — I'm so happy that this post has gotten lots of comments. To read all of them, be sure to click on "Next" when you get to the bottom of the page.)

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Comments

[Perfumaniac]

Angela - When something you love gets a so-so response, at least you can wear it knowing he doesn't hate it!

[rednails]

I wear it for myself and care not a fig about what others think. Why are women always asked to be the compromising, considerate ones about every thing they like? My closest (male) co-worker smells like an ashtray and my husband never wears enough anti=perspirant (even though I've prompted him ever so gently). They don't care what I think, apparently. If I run around in a cloud of Fracas, turnabout is only fair play, baby.

[Perfumaniac]

Rednails — good point! I'm constantly smelling things I don't want to on others! Part of the reason I asked the question is because I run into perfumistas (like you) who seem to use perfume differently from how its marketed to us with promises we'll be sexually alluring or whatever (fill in the blank: rich, young, hip, etc.) Since I've gotten into perfume and spoken to perfume lovers, it's so clear that is certainly not the only reason women wear perfume. In any case, running into a cloud of Fracas would be an olfactory provocation for sure. Provoke on!

[Postmodernperfume.blogspot.com]

I wear it for my own pleasure. Compliments are nice, but not necessary. I apply a bit on the heavy handed side, but until someone complains I'm wearing the amount I feel comfortable and confident with. BUT I do take into consideration others' allergies, if I know I'll be around someone with allergies or say, visiting someone in the hospital, I go easy and/or chose something light.

Like the others here, most of my test drives are done at home. I don't want to get "stuck" wearing something I'm not completely happy with all day. I also keep several tester vials in my purse, just in case the mood changes or I'm caught in a downpour.

Perfumanic, I'm glad to see I'm not the only one who takes a long time to make a decision on how I feel about a perfume. I used to think the ones I couldn't decide on were ones that weren't a hit with me, but some I've come back to later on and loved.

[Isis]

Interesting question. The easy answer would be for myself. And that is true as I only wear scents that I enjoy wearing. However, at work I only wear perfume oils from BPAL as I have a workmate who is scent sensitive, but have no problems with those oil. Also, I do tend to use perfumes less even if I like them, if they are in what my darling call "soap-category", and often only wear those when he isn't around.

[Gabrielle Baechtold]

I have always, and always will continue, to applied fragrance for my own pleasure. I have never thought of anyone else; whether it is liked, not liked, been a male magnet, etc... I always wear scent for my own pleasure, I also apply liberally; let the whole room smell of Bellodgia, it makes it nicer.
I consider it the sacred and ancient art of parfuming myself, for myself, to create for myself a nicer environment than the one I may be subject to at a given moment or time.
On the plus side, my scents which are all vintage/classics (even Cabochard and Bandit) have elicited the kindest comments from strangers , male and female. So I guess it is sometimes a win-win situation.

[Perfumaniac]

Liberally applied vintage Bandit and Cabochard eliciting compliments? That's great, Gabrielle! I don't think I've ever worn either liberally enough to have anyone notice. I wonder if I should try...

[Gabrielle Baechtold]

I think you should try. Especially as autumn approaches. Bandit is very enchanting on those cool and crisp autumn evenings when we all need a little coziness. Good luck and happy spritzing!

[Perfumaniac]

Hi Isis,

I've been curious about BPAL. First of all — what an amazing name! (For those of you who don''t know: Black Phoenix Alchemy Labs. So goth!) Which ones do you wear? It's so interesting to me the notion that synthetics bother people but natural oils don't. (Is BPAL natural? I wonder why their oils don't bother your coworker.) So-called natural fragrances are actually filled with more allergans...

It's a pity you do have to be careful with coworkers and significant other when you wear perfume. Most of us do.

[brigitte]

I concur with Barbara: it's the natural essential oils (lavander, jasmine,rose,sandalwood,etc) that give my husband terrible headaches during allergy season when I wear them. I have heard of BPAL and have even looked them up... they do some interesting amalgamations. I would also love to know which ones Isis recommends (there are so many to choose from!).

[cosmetics]

That's great, Gabrielle! I don't think I've ever worn either liberally enough to have anyone notice. I wonder if I should try..

[froske1]

I think most of the people wear perfume (if any) for themselves. Taking others into consideration should mean you don't overdo it - don't put on tons of strong perfume that others might not like.

[Perfumaniac]

froske1 - I think most people wear scent for themselves, but more people than you would think take into account how seductive a scent may be...And yes, moderation in scent is good!

[perfume]

Yes I do wear perfumes. I love having myself in a very nice scent, that makes me more comfortable and feel pleasured. I love fruity mist scents, that giggles my smell.

[julie]

Pour moi! Perfume is becoming to me less like getting dressed and more like listening to music, drinking wine, or reading poetry. It is an event more than a thing. Of course it's nice to have your fragrance choice be noticed, and there are scents I'm more apt to wear going out, and others I wear at home, L'Heure Bleue being an example of the latter. It is too private an experience for me. Likewise some of the more civet-laden scents. In public, Rive Gauche is a go-to by day, and when I wore Mollie Parnis, people followed me around, so she was for all of us :)

[Perfumaniac]

I love this Julie, and even quoted you on Twitter! "Perfume is becoming to me less like getting dressed and more like
listening to music, drinking wine, or reading poetry. It is an event more than a thing." It IS an event! Brilliant.

[julie]

You are too kind! It occurred to me during a discussion on basenotes, re: how much to spend. The conventional wisdom is that we get more satisfaction from spending on experiences than on things. Lightbulb. Perfume is an experience.

[THE SENSUALIST]

perfume is so incredibly personal to me and such a reflection of where i am (or how i've evolved) that i can't image wearing it for someone else. however, in my experience, what i like usually connects back to the people who like me.

[TJ]

One thing to remember about men vs women is that compared to women most men are a tad anosmic. Something to do with estrogen levels and could conceivably have had evolutionary advantages both ways. http://www.livescience.com/3457-women-smell-men.html

Even so, the circles that I travel tend to be quite averse to fragrance. I suspect that for some it is as much the discomfort of getting automatically aroused in public as an actual dislike for or allergy to a particular scent. I recall smelling an incredibly sexual fragrance on a woman, asking her what it was and getting the response, "Oh, Rapture, most women hate it but men seem to like it."

Another in that category is Ciara. It is one of those formerly expensive ones that has become a "cheap" drugstore brand. It only smells good after at least an hour, and then it is amazing. Too bad my wife can't stand it and calls it the "stinky" perfume.

[Perfumaniac]

I've heard that women's sense of smell is stronger than men's (but not that men are a tad anosmic). I didn't read your link but I wonder how much of the smell thing is cultural? I think it's interesting many gay men are more open to perfume than straight men. Surely it's not the estrogen? Also, can men be BOTH "a tad anosmic" and oversusceptible to being aroused  by scent? Just throwing that out there.

[TJ]

A relative difference -- I did not mean to imply total anosmia, sorry.

The not smelling as well, and being aroused by what can be smelled, go together just fine.

The easily aroused comment was meant to apply as one potential reason for both men and women's aversion to potent public perfume. After all, given the direct connection of the olfactory organs to the amygdala, if a person has sexual associations with even some of the notes/ingredients, they might be aroused by a fragrance no matter who is wearing it. Some find that uncomfortable.

I've also encountered the opposite as the reason for disliking a fragrance, associations of that fragrance with someone actively disliked.

I'd have to do a whole bunch of research before addressing the gay vs straight men thing...